I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
