God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
