just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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