Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
