Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
