I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
