so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
