You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
