you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
