so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
