She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
