After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
