your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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