two words: eviction party
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
