Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
