I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
