There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
