No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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