We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
