We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
