an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
