I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
