Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will pee on everything he values.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
