this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
