forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
