Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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