Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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