Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
