Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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