remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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