so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
