Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
