I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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