Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
