I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
