Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
