i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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