Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
