I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
