a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
