i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
