watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
