dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
