Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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