i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
