Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
