rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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