Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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