I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
