that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
