I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
