I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
