It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You ruined the universe
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
