My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
