you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
