Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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