That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
