chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
