Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
