I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
